I've been on such a strange kick lately. I want so much change i want to make and create lines but i want to break and destroy and build up and I don't even know how to explain it.
I've been thinking so much lately about this city and my past. when i was ALLOT younger i was kind of a brat and super bitchy. Its very unfortunate but people still hate me because of this. 6 or 7 years later and they still see me the same, allot of them just hate me because their friends say they do not because they know me or have ever had a conversation with me its the most unfair thing.
What makes things worse is some of chris closest friends also still see me this way. I am a much better person i mean come on that was so long ago and i've grown up and i've been for years but they see me the way they see me.
I wish i could just have a fresh start and a clean slate and if i mess things up or leave a bad impression now i can handle it because i got a fair shot but honestly i don't have that and i'm not very sure i ever will.
So i get this idea in my head that if i change what i look like and alter my appearance that i'll leave that bad rep behind and start over. I'm not sure this is healthy but it sure feels good to daydream about.
