Saturday, December 13, 2014
empty words
I used to promise myself that I wanted to make this blog come alive but there's something much too comforting about the anonymity of not following through on my promise. So I'm not. Life has been good to me lately. This year as a whole has been good. Losing my grandfather of course was hard but its amazing for him because he's in heaven. so maybe losing him makes it also a great year. Things are clearer now, my relationship with my dad is stellar, my husband and I rediscovered each other and possibly fell more in love. my son and I experienced what a school setting would be like. I also changed my major, worked a bit, took some pretty cool roadtrips, volunteered allot and discovered a new passion for fitness. Not to mention the biggest and absolute best part of this year, I was baptized and my relationship with Jesus Christ is at a level I never experienced before. None of these things would be possible if it weren't for my god.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
9 months later...
Wow! so much has happened and changed since March and I can't believe I haven't updated not once for 9 months! A baby could have been baked in that time! In fact a baby was! Our dear friends Michelle and Andy had a sweet little girl two weeks ago and her name is Madeline. Madeline is gorgeous and a little sister to Valentin's best friend, Liam.
So I guess in all that time I was away she was cooking. Our Austin trip was full of laughs, shopping, relaxing and eating! It ended up being a lovely time for the 3 of us and another road trip is already in the works for next spring. Unfortunately soon after we returned, my grandfather suffered a heart attack and was in a coma for 9 days before he passed away. Never in my life had I felt so comforted and loved by Jesus. I felt him so prominent, so near, It was the hardest time I'd ever had but I was not alone and I grieved the loss of my dear grandfather whom I named my son after.
Even though I knew he was in heaven, nothing can keep you from feeling the loss of a loved one. After he passed in early April, I had missed so much school from being at the hospital day in and day out, that I had to drop my classes. I had a very mean and heartless teacher who said to me "you say you've been at the hospital but you seem perfectly contrite to me." Couldn't believe how cruel she was. I threw myself into a new job I got at a daycare next to my house to get my mind away from loss. Valentin and I both stayed there for 5 months until school started again and I absolutely couldn't juggle work, school and my son anymore.
School has been great and I am taking my finals next week. I'll be off probation from financial aid so I can get help to pay for classes next semester and that god for that! School is expensive. Becoming a stay at home mom again was hard on Valentin and I both. I had used up most of my patience at the daycare and he had too. we had to learn to get along just us two again. Its taken a couple of months but we're finally back on a good rhythm. Play dates and managing our accounts along with a midday nap is really nice and I'm grateful that I can live like this for now.
The real reason I looked for an outlet to write today is because I came to a very valuable realization. Sometimes no matter how much you've been there for someone, or how much kindness and love you've shown them or abuse you've taken from them, it may never be enough to make them see you as someone worth respecting or treating fairly. Including and not limited to: you're own family i.e. your mom. Sometimes people demand respect from you and no matter how much you know you do respect them, they will still always expect to wipe their feet on you like a door mat. Through hospital stays, illness, recovering from surgery, even giving them rides when they need them. It doesn't amount to anything with certain people sometimes. That's when the epiphany dawned on me:
If all I've done for them cant even be remembered, appreciated or make them treat me decently, then nothing I could have ever done in the future would have made a difference anyway.
And then you're free.
I'm smarter than I was 5 minutes ago and so grateful to have learned this tonight. I may be at the very beginning of understanding things but at least I'm starting to make sense of things. I'm not like "omfg I'm tough now don't trust nobody f the world" kind of deal haha, I'm just really glad I can see 20/20.
So I guess in all that time I was away she was cooking. Our Austin trip was full of laughs, shopping, relaxing and eating! It ended up being a lovely time for the 3 of us and another road trip is already in the works for next spring. Unfortunately soon after we returned, my grandfather suffered a heart attack and was in a coma for 9 days before he passed away. Never in my life had I felt so comforted and loved by Jesus. I felt him so prominent, so near, It was the hardest time I'd ever had but I was not alone and I grieved the loss of my dear grandfather whom I named my son after.
Even though I knew he was in heaven, nothing can keep you from feeling the loss of a loved one. After he passed in early April, I had missed so much school from being at the hospital day in and day out, that I had to drop my classes. I had a very mean and heartless teacher who said to me "you say you've been at the hospital but you seem perfectly contrite to me." Couldn't believe how cruel she was. I threw myself into a new job I got at a daycare next to my house to get my mind away from loss. Valentin and I both stayed there for 5 months until school started again and I absolutely couldn't juggle work, school and my son anymore.
School has been great and I am taking my finals next week. I'll be off probation from financial aid so I can get help to pay for classes next semester and that god for that! School is expensive. Becoming a stay at home mom again was hard on Valentin and I both. I had used up most of my patience at the daycare and he had too. we had to learn to get along just us two again. Its taken a couple of months but we're finally back on a good rhythm. Play dates and managing our accounts along with a midday nap is really nice and I'm grateful that I can live like this for now.
The real reason I looked for an outlet to write today is because I came to a very valuable realization. Sometimes no matter how much you've been there for someone, or how much kindness and love you've shown them or abuse you've taken from them, it may never be enough to make them see you as someone worth respecting or treating fairly. Including and not limited to: you're own family i.e. your mom. Sometimes people demand respect from you and no matter how much you know you do respect them, they will still always expect to wipe their feet on you like a door mat. Through hospital stays, illness, recovering from surgery, even giving them rides when they need them. It doesn't amount to anything with certain people sometimes. That's when the epiphany dawned on me:
If all I've done for them cant even be remembered, appreciated or make them treat me decently, then nothing I could have ever done in the future would have made a difference anyway.
And then you're free.
I'm smarter than I was 5 minutes ago and so grateful to have learned this tonight. I may be at the very beginning of understanding things but at least I'm starting to make sense of things. I'm not like "omfg I'm tough now don't trust nobody f the world" kind of deal haha, I'm just really glad I can see 20/20.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
March brings the wind
been a little while since I've updated but I can't seem to get writing out of my system and I'm not sure I even want to! Tumblr used to be a pretty good outlet for writing for me but it just didn't feel personal, plus I NEVER got anything done once I started scrolling so I deleted my account. It's always been important to me to keep in touch with myself and "check in" so to speak and writing has aways been it for me. So I'm back and like any person who's hopeful to keep a promise, I say this time is for real.
Valentin turns two this Saturday. These past couple of years have been so good to us and I am beyond grateful to god that I was blessed with the most amazing family. Valentin is talkative and a little demanding! But extremely polite. He always asks "please" and never forgets to say "thank you" Yo Gabba Gabba helped a bit with those magic words. Valentin stopped nursing about two months ago and I would be lying if I said it wasn't difficult on us both. It really only took a few days to wean him however, I felt like we were losing our special bond. I felt like nothing was going to fill that void and we would forever be different. On the second day I had an uncontrollable sobbing fit and when I say uncontrollable I'm not exaggerating. I was walking into the shoe store to pick up some sweet sandals I found the day before for 80% off plus my friend and old co-workers discount. I walked in, face wet, eyes red and blubbering lips. My girlfriends laughed a little at my hormonal crying but they were sweet and consoling so I left a little bit better than I arrived, sandals in hand.
We're having a small gathering on Sunday even though his birthday is on the 8th. For his first birthday we pushed all the way to June so we could have a warm pool party at our local aquatic center. Valentin ended up sleeping through his whole party we forget to snap any photos and the pool was so full we barely swam! So this year we're not pushing it by much understandably so! Our local Zoo is unveiling an intricate new tree house and we may just mosey over on Valentin's birthday with a celebratory cupcake and two candles on them.
We planned a road trip in a couple of weeks to Austin. This is our first going to Austin, ever. pretty embarrassing considering we've been Texans our whole lives! But we're making up for lost time and making the most out of this mini vacation. We've booked a beautiful hotel in downtown Austin, we know where the food trucks are, and we are going to do some serious shopping. I don't think there's another little family quite as fond of food trailers as we are. We like really love truck food...
This month is also my Mom's wedding. She's finally marrying the man of her dreams and I'm immensely happy for them both. he's a country guy and we all absolutely adore him and took an instant liking to him, even and especially Valentin. His name is Eric and He's the football coach at the school my mother teaches at,the rest is history now. The wedding will be in a vineyard. casual chic. My sister and I are wearing beautiful cream colored dressings and our husbands are going to be wearing Tuxedo's. Valentin and my two little brothers will also be tux clad. There's going to be live music gourmet sit down dinner and wine on a starlit patio. I absolutely cannot wait! I have to make head pieces for my mom, my sister and I and I'm positively stuck.
I started teaching kinder sunday school at my church this month as well and I absolutely love it. Teaching children is so rewarding and fun. The church has a curriculum that teaches about the bible in a way the young children can understand and I absolutely love it! I consider myself so lucky to be able to get this experience because ultimately when I finish school I'll be teaching elementary school so this is truly the best hands on experience I can get right now. Plus I get to serve god so it's a major win-win.
I started the application process this week for my old job at the shoe store and I hope all goes well. It's a part time position and I think Valentin and I are both ready. School has been pretty demanding also with Math and English Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I'm keeping up without a hiccup though and I'm so grateful that Valentin and Chris get to spend time together while I'm at school. Chris and I have been looking for a home for a while now and we're really going to narrow it down at the end of this month after our Austin trip. Living with my in-laws was fun and helpful when Valentin was a baby, but now it's pretty crowded. we can barely fit each of our clothes and shoes in here. So it's time to set off now as a family, we're ready.
I can't wait to share everything here, I promise this time will be different.
Valentin turns two this Saturday. These past couple of years have been so good to us and I am beyond grateful to god that I was blessed with the most amazing family. Valentin is talkative and a little demanding! But extremely polite. He always asks "please" and never forgets to say "thank you" Yo Gabba Gabba helped a bit with those magic words. Valentin stopped nursing about two months ago and I would be lying if I said it wasn't difficult on us both. It really only took a few days to wean him however, I felt like we were losing our special bond. I felt like nothing was going to fill that void and we would forever be different. On the second day I had an uncontrollable sobbing fit and when I say uncontrollable I'm not exaggerating. I was walking into the shoe store to pick up some sweet sandals I found the day before for 80% off plus my friend and old co-workers discount. I walked in, face wet, eyes red and blubbering lips. My girlfriends laughed a little at my hormonal crying but they were sweet and consoling so I left a little bit better than I arrived, sandals in hand.
We're having a small gathering on Sunday even though his birthday is on the 8th. For his first birthday we pushed all the way to June so we could have a warm pool party at our local aquatic center. Valentin ended up sleeping through his whole party we forget to snap any photos and the pool was so full we barely swam! So this year we're not pushing it by much understandably so! Our local Zoo is unveiling an intricate new tree house and we may just mosey over on Valentin's birthday with a celebratory cupcake and two candles on them.
We planned a road trip in a couple of weeks to Austin. This is our first going to Austin, ever. pretty embarrassing considering we've been Texans our whole lives! But we're making up for lost time and making the most out of this mini vacation. We've booked a beautiful hotel in downtown Austin, we know where the food trucks are, and we are going to do some serious shopping. I don't think there's another little family quite as fond of food trailers as we are. We like really love truck food...
This month is also my Mom's wedding. She's finally marrying the man of her dreams and I'm immensely happy for them both. he's a country guy and we all absolutely adore him and took an instant liking to him, even and especially Valentin. His name is Eric and He's the football coach at the school my mother teaches at,the rest is history now. The wedding will be in a vineyard. casual chic. My sister and I are wearing beautiful cream colored dressings and our husbands are going to be wearing Tuxedo's. Valentin and my two little brothers will also be tux clad. There's going to be live music gourmet sit down dinner and wine on a starlit patio. I absolutely cannot wait! I have to make head pieces for my mom, my sister and I and I'm positively stuck.
I started teaching kinder sunday school at my church this month as well and I absolutely love it. Teaching children is so rewarding and fun. The church has a curriculum that teaches about the bible in a way the young children can understand and I absolutely love it! I consider myself so lucky to be able to get this experience because ultimately when I finish school I'll be teaching elementary school so this is truly the best hands on experience I can get right now. Plus I get to serve god so it's a major win-win.
I started the application process this week for my old job at the shoe store and I hope all goes well. It's a part time position and I think Valentin and I are both ready. School has been pretty demanding also with Math and English Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I'm keeping up without a hiccup though and I'm so grateful that Valentin and Chris get to spend time together while I'm at school. Chris and I have been looking for a home for a while now and we're really going to narrow it down at the end of this month after our Austin trip. Living with my in-laws was fun and helpful when Valentin was a baby, but now it's pretty crowded. we can barely fit each of our clothes and shoes in here. So it's time to set off now as a family, we're ready.
I can't wait to share everything here, I promise this time will be different.
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