Hookey

Chris took the day off today and we had a little play day :) First we took little man to his dentist appointment. He's got his two bottom teeth but you can see a little of his canine tooth coming in he's been pretty good not fussy so i didn't think he was teething but boy was i wrong! Then I had a hair appointment, my hair was getting pretty nasty at the ends (doesn't help that Valentin likes to pull my hair when he's nursing!)After that we drove over to Crave which is a really good place to eat if your ever in El Paso(looove the 808 burger). Bub slept while Chris and i had a grown up drink each over lunch and laughed and talked a while. We saw This Is 40 after lunch which was hilarious! I was literally laughing from the beginning to the end it was too funny! Michaels has a 3 for 1$ acrylic paint sale and its right behind the theater so we moseyed over and we bought some pretty paints. Chris hates going to craft stores with me but i remind him that it benefits him too because he lets me paint his plugs :) the more variety the better! We finally came home to chill for a bit and i popped over to the grocery store to buy some salmon to make which ended up taking almost an hour because there were only two lanes open (why do grocery stores do this? idgi) i bought my very first succulent while i was there and painted the pot this evening inspired by this pin and it came out beautifully and only took about 10 minutes! What i really want is to make a hanging terrarium like the one i saw here on Yesterday's sweetheart now that is an awesome project! We ended our night with dinner and putting Valentin to bed and doing a little hobby time individually. An amazing end to our week!

growing.

The hour is late but i sit here in the dark while little man sleeps and chris gets his fix of call of duty. My favorite thing is to write, always has been only there isn't always time these days but thats ok. I've been thinking of this post for a long time and i think my train of thought is developed enough to share so here goes:



I loathe the person i used to be.




Yeah so let me elaborate a little on that.

For a really long time i was a stuck up, judgemental, snake-y, negative and even a coniving person. I thought everything and everyone was doing something to hurt me  or trying to make nasty remarks at me. for the longest time i was in a horrible place with no room to grow. I didn't know how to take criticism or take advice i was always ready to pounce, to argue to fight, to win. Because thats what communication between my mom and i was like. It was the most exhausting thing I swear it aged me. Everywhere i turned there were walls.

I learned to survive at home with my mom everyday it was a new disaster, a new fight she would make things up just for sport. I learned to adapt but when things fell out and i left for the last time i was completely fucked up  (excuse my language) but the way i learned to joust at home didn't work in the real world and it took me years to start thinking normal. It affected my jobs my schooling even my relationships with friends. A normal moment in my head would have gone like this "what did she mean by that? was she reffering to me? are we friends anymore? i don't care i don't want anything to do with her anyways she is a bitch i don't trust her" .......yeah scary right?


I don't think i even really realize how warped and immature i was. That was 3 years ago and i'm really happy to say that i'm a kind and caring person who doesn't take things out of context or look for fights anymore. I have overcome my self doubt. Allot of the positive change comes from my son and my relentlessly loving husband and his amazing parents, but above all: God. I have learned to adapt to a new way of living, re-wiring myself was really hard though and has taken years. I still have some days where i doubt myself a little but i remind myself how strong i am and how far i've come and those doubts dissolve. I have really discovered who i am through this whole thing and i'm really close to being the person i have always wanted to be. I'm genuinely happy. My relationship with my mother will unfortunately always suffer but thats something i can't control, i can only control myself. I'm so proud of myself i know that sounds weird but i am, i did this all on my own i changed who i was for the better. Thats a huge accomplishment and no one can take that away.

hello 2013!

I can't believe we're still here! Just kidding I never really bought into that Mayan calendar thing....Truthfully i did....and I had been dreading it for like 4 years since I first heard about it in high school! Something i'm embarrassed to admit is i'm always buying into how the world will end or what will happen to humanity, how we'll all die ect. When i was 7 years old all the older kids at my elementary school would talk about a huge commet hitting earth in 2000 and y2k wiping everyone out and i remeber like playing at P.E. time with my peers and just looking at all their beautiful faces and thinking "we're all going to die soon!" Ugh i get so obsessed with something and i even get really sad  so much that it affects my daily life and then Chris finally shakes me out of it but my goodness i wish i wasn't so gullible with these theories. Shit is damaging to my health!

On a good note I have decided after months and months, to start a small business this year! I am so so excited to do this i'm mapping everything out, have been for 3 weeks now its going to be a slow project i really want to do it right so i can always have this to lean back on. I'm an entrepreneur it runs in my family, so i got this. I just need a name and i already know what i'm going to be making and selling but over time that could change into something else so the name has to be pretty general which makes it more fun :)

Neither Chris nor I have been to crossfit since the beginning of december. We had two family members in and out of the hospital plus a death in the family needless to say christmas was not celebrated this year. December was relentless.

Chris and I both miss crossfit, we need to feel like we killed it, pushed ourselves to the edge and over it, like we accomplished something physically challenging everyday. With his new school schedule though we're going to only have one window to go and we're going to have to take turns with Valentin so its going to be pretty hard but thats what it costs.

January 31st is fast approaching! well sort of... Toro Y Moi one of my favorite artists ever, is playing a show here in el paso! I'm such a nerd i bought our tickets back in october! Whatever, i love them and i'm all about making future plans to be excited about :) I cannot wait!!!

Valentin's first birthday is coming up also; March the 8th this little boy turns 1 and for his birthday, that following monday we will be at Yo Gabba Gabba live at the plaza theater here in our wonderful city!

Lots of good stuff coming up i can't wait! I'm looking forward to taking a few classes next fall once valentin is a little bit older also and hopefully by then i'll have a good solid grip on running my business so i can continue staying home with my little man too

meh!

cookie cutter

This in a way is becoming my new LJ I will probably always keep my LJ though its been private since the day i created it and then deleted and recreated probably once every two years since i was 13 which i totally regret now i'd give anything to still have those entries. I am happy with my life but for some reason i feel like i constantly need to be proving that or something. Why? I guess because people say having kids young ruins your life and i just want to prove them wrong, that i truly 100% am so happy every single day! I wish i could shout it from a mountain or in the middle of a crowd or just write about it over and over which i already do and its annoying even me. I want people to see that it can work and this it worked out so wonderfully for me this is better than any vision i ever pictured of me in my 20s. Why the need to tell people? why does it matter what they think? why do i care? who the fuck cares? I wouldn’t be a better, happier, or more respectable person if I had a piece of paper (thats says i could do a job i probably wouldnt be able to find in this economy anyway) and $30,000 in  student loan debt before i'm 25 would I? I do plan on having an education but on my terms and at my own pace. Ok i'm ready to move on to better things. I'm going to start my own business and help support my family so i can continue to stay at home with my son. I believe with all my heart that i can do it and i just so deeply want to be a good mother and raise a decent boy with a good conscience and morals who is independent and thinks for himself and questions things instead of just going along with everyone else. I have so much passion for many things and i'm always looking for ways to express myself; making things with my hands, creating things, putting my ideas in motion, and of course my favorite immediate release: writing. I used to be so articulate and eloquent with my vocabulary i felt so completely honest whenever i spoke because i laced my sentences my words together so beautifully and i feel like i've lost it a little bit along the way and speaking is just another expression. When i've lost the words though i don't feel like me.