cookie cutter

This in a way is becoming my new LJ I will probably always keep my LJ though its been private since the day i created it and then deleted and recreated probably once every two years since i was 13 which i totally regret now i'd give anything to still have those entries. I am happy with my life but for some reason i feel like i constantly need to be proving that or something. Why? I guess because people say having kids young ruins your life and i just want to prove them wrong, that i truly 100% am so happy every single day! I wish i could shout it from a mountain or in the middle of a crowd or just write about it over and over which i already do and its annoying even me. I want people to see that it can work and this it worked out so wonderfully for me this is better than any vision i ever pictured of me in my 20s. Why the need to tell people? why does it matter what they think? why do i care? who the fuck cares? I wouldn’t be a better, happier, or more respectable person if I had a piece of paper (thats says i could do a job i probably wouldnt be able to find in this economy anyway) and $30,000 in  student loan debt before i'm 25 would I? I do plan on having an education but on my terms and at my own pace. Ok i'm ready to move on to better things. I'm going to start my own business and help support my family so i can continue to stay at home with my son. I believe with all my heart that i can do it and i just so deeply want to be a good mother and raise a decent boy with a good conscience and morals who is independent and thinks for himself and questions things instead of just going along with everyone else. I have so much passion for many things and i'm always looking for ways to express myself; making things with my hands, creating things, putting my ideas in motion, and of course my favorite immediate release: writing. I used to be so articulate and eloquent with my vocabulary i felt so completely honest whenever i spoke because i laced my sentences my words together so beautifully and i feel like i've lost it a little bit along the way and speaking is just another expression. When i've lost the words though i don't feel like me.